Yes, Pornography IS an Addiction!! Random Resource ThuRsday

Yes, Pornography IS an Addiction!!

Do I have your attention now?  I mean it's easier to see something visually right like the picture above?

Yes, viewing pornography is an addiction.  And in this country (and around the world even) many don't view it as an addiction.  It's not harming anyone right?  So it can't be bad like drugs or alcohol, right?

Oh so very wrong.  Those who view porn do it to get the same release that say a cocaine user or alcohol user does.  Look at the picture above.  See how the brain responds with the dopamine in almost identical ways?  Look again!  Viewing porn actually releases more dopamine than some other addictions like cocaine, food, morphine.

And the thing is, our minds are wired to store visuals. So, unlike these other addictions which require an item to be inhaled, ingested, drunk, etc in order to product that high - a person addicted to porn can do it without needing an item.  Once a visual is stored in memory, one can retrieve it.  And with the visual is also stored what happened when the visual was first viewed.  And voila. How the cycle continues.

Pornography addictions is so vastly growing.  With the internet, we can pipe these images right onto our computers or ipads, or phones with only a small search.  It's so accessible and can be done right in the privacy of your own home.

But beware, like with other addictions, your need to have that high will increase. And often the urge to view porn and masturbate will come more often esp with triggers and users will often risk more to get that high.  Many a people have LOST THEIR JOBS from viewing porn at work.  Many a marriages have been destroyed because a man would rather masturbate than make love to his wife.

The human being was created to crave intimacy.  When those needs are not met, many turn to pornography.

We thrive on intimate interactions and relationships with others. When our need for intimacy is neglected, our lives seem unpredictable, hostile, and stressful. The desire to escape or take flight from this stress can be overwhelming. When these conditions are present, we’re more likely to seek sources of release through addictive, and often, abusive behaviors. Unfortunately, when the “vacation” from the stressful environment is over, we return to the same, if not worsened, conditions–the negative emotional environment in which we repeat our cycles of addiction.

“With sexual addiction, instant sexual gratification becomes the addict’s most important, all-consuming pursuit. Part of the elevated mood generated by the activity may involve risk. Special routines and patterns may be followed that increase excitement, usually concluding in a sexual event…over which the addict feels absolutely no control.” (P. 295 Darryl S. S. Inaba, Michael E. Holstein, William E. Cohen, Uppers, Downers, All Arounders, CNS Publications, Inc., July 2000, Edition Number: 4.)

Pornography is an illusionary solution to meet the intimate needs of any participant. It shortcuts the natural process of being physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to another. The sensations are superficial. The bitter irony is that pornography and the use of the Internet for sexual expression actually increases the likelihood of separation from others: the exact opposite of intimacy.

I think this visual is very telling.  Look at the search engine request figure.  Look at the misconceptions...it's OK because I'm over the age of 18 and it's not illegal right? I could actually give you lots more figures but I think you get the picture.  I got the visuals from http://pornographyaddiction.com.  It's loaded with information so please check it out and become educated.

Treatment for pornography addictions can be a tricky one.  But with attention growing about this, centers are really starting to take a much more aggressive approach with pornography addictions.  Just as a side note, recoveryBox was first created for pornography addictions and was later expanded to incorporate lots of other addictions.  In some areas, porn treatment centers are co-mingled with places where sex offenders are required to undergo treatment.  Be careful of where you select treatment. As with all programs, if it's not a good fit for you then find somewhere else.  But seek help!

And now I bring this full circle.  Why was this the Random Resource ThuRsday?  Because even possessing an item in the house can lead to a relapse and it's so easy.  So go clean out the attic!  The closet!  Wherever you have it stashed.  If you are not at the stage where you can clean it out because you feel too tempted then ask someone you trust to do it for you.

Check out next week's Random Resource ThuRsday where I offer ideas and resources to protect your eyes, hearts, self, family and children from pornography.

Want recoveryBox, the iPhone app for Addiction Recovery.  There are multiple sex addictions to select from.  See which one meets your needs and download it now.  Be accountable to someone!

How to Tell Someone You Have an Addiction - Random Resource ThuRsday

It's Random Resource ThuRsday and I thought I'd answer a question someone sent me recently.

They asked "How do I tell my mother that I am an alcoholic?"

What a great question and I'm NO expert here so I started doing some research on this myself and thought I would pass along a resource I thought that was quick to read, easy to understand and that get's right to the point.

This is from ClearWater Treatment.  Check them out when you have a chance.

Telling Your Family You Have an Addiction Problem

JUN, 12 2012

2

Contributed by Nikki Seay.

The day that you find yourself actually having to admit that you have an addiction to drugs or alcohol is likely a day that is overwhelming and frightening. As addicts, we work so very hard to try and hide our addiction.

We work especially hard to hide it from the people we love and admire. These people are usually our family members. So how do you find the right words to look them in the eyes and tell them something that you know is going to break their hearts?

A Good Chance They Already Know

The truth of the matter is that if you have been in contact with your family members on any sort of regular basis during your addiction, they more than likely already know you have a problem with addiction. As addicts, we often think we are doing a real bang-up job at hiding our disease from the people we care about the most. In reality, we aren’t doing a good job at all.

Addiction is a disease that can only be hidden for so long, and then the signs become absolutely impossible to cover up. Anyone who knew you before addiction took control of your life already knows that something is terribly wrong. It may take them a little bit of time to figure it out, but they eventually put the pieces together.

When you begin to come up with what you want to say to your family, it’s probably best to assume that they already know you are struggling with a drug or alcohol addiction. When you stop to think about it, it is likely they have even attempted to talk to you about your addiction in the past. Don’t insult their intelligence by denying how long you have been trying to cover your tracks. Be honest with them, and they will be more receptive to the conversation.

While the conversation that you will need to have with your family will no doubt be an emotional one, you need to take the time beforehand to plan what you really want to say. You need to have a rational blueprint of sorts. The reason for this “blueprint” is so you can be sure to say what needs to be said, not what just ends up coming out of your mouth in reaction to emotions like pain or anger.

Getting Needed Addiction Treatment

The most important part of the conversation with your family will be the part where you tell them what you are going to do to help yourself. No doubt, you will want to tell them how sorry you are for any hurt you caused them (and they do need to hear you say that you are sorry), but you should also have some information to share with them about getting into an addiction treatment program.

You need to explain to them that you are ready and willing to acknowledge your addiction today. More importantly, you need to share with them that you are ready and eager to enter into an addiction treatment program. You may not have all the answers to give them about where or when you will enter into an addiction treatment center, and that’s okay. All you need to convey is that you are ready to do what needs to be done in order to get your life back. That is a great first step.

Your family may be upset with some of the things you have done during your struggle with addiction, but they will always love you. Family is forever, and they ultimately want to see you in recovery. The conversation you have with them to admit you are an addict may be a difficult discussion, but it is one that you have to face.

Once your loved ones see you are being honest and humble, they will be more than willing to help you through rehabilitation and provide you with a great support systemduring your addiction treatment. Once you have this conversation with your family, you will be surprised how much weight is lifted off your shoulders, and how much more ready you’ll feel to begin your recovery.

Honestly, I love the part that says "they already know"!  Isn't that the truth.

Have a great weekend.

~the developer from recoveryBox

Haven't downloaded recoveryBox yet, check it out!

Yellow Light Y2 - Intentionally putting oneself at Place of Risk ~ Caution

Some might ask how can being "somewhere" be a Yellow Light?  I mean, it's just a "place" right?

Well, for some with an addiction, just being somewhere can be the trigger.  Even though a "place" doesn't speak to you to convince you to "act out", it can actually trigger the voice in your mind that tells you what to do.

Follow me on this.  For those who suffer from alcoholism, going to a bar for happy hour may not be the smartest of decisions or going to a friends party where you know there will be alcohol.  Because at this "place" you have access to the actual thing that you are trying to break away from.  Or for those suffering from a pornography addiction, perhaps going to Hooters will trigger the feeling inside that you so crave leading to "acting out".  What about those with a shopping addiction?  Should going to the mall be on your agenda?

Now these are not hard and in stone rules.  Of course not.  Each person must decide for themselves if being at a certain place is dangerous to the undoing of their sobriety.  However, sometimes we just don't know.  Or perhaps it is so early in the recovery process that we know these "places" are triggers.

So, I would think logic would say to STAY AWAY!  You have worked so hard to finally admit your problem and start the hard work of beating this addiction, why would you place yourself in harms way?

The reason it is considered a Y2 light, "Intentionally putting oneself at a Place of Risk" is so that you are accountable for putting yourself there.  Remember, Yellow Lights are not acting out lights..these are just the flags that say..Stop and Slow Down! Consider the Implications!  What could this lead to?

Because entering a yellow light requires adding an explanation of the situation it is helpful so that your accountability partner can see the situation.  It is also helpful to begin to see patterns.  When searching over a months time, see how many yellow lights you had.  Are they all on a certain day of the week?  Do they always occur when ...

Sometimes it really is obvious - at least most often for an outsider.  But not always.  And with data at your fingertips, you can't deny the actions of your life.

So PLEASE don't be afraid to report a yellow.  Be accountable to someone for it and perhaps come up with plans on how to change why the yellow even happened so it doesn't turn into a red light in the future.


Don't have recoveryBox yet?  Make the SMALL investment and begin to see your habits change.
To download, click here.  For more information, visit the recoveryBox app website (you can always download it from there if you decide).

Random Resource ThuRsday - So I shouldn't Go "There". Now What?

This week I wrote about how just being at a location is dangerous to the undoing of our sobriety. I found a wonderful resource that talks about this and a lot more.  In this document are tons on strategies to fight the addiction.  Take a look.

For more from this recovery website, visit http://www.markhoustonrecovery.com.

Below is the section from the resource that deals with Being at the Place (the Y2) and strategies.
I am glad the author put this trigger at the top of the list.  It's why I have the Person of Risk as the Y1 and the Place as the Y2 Yellow Lights.  Warning!!  Warning!!  Use Caution here!

Relapse Trigger #1: Putting Yourself In Difficult Situations Like Visiting Your Favorite Bar Or Hanging Out With Friends Who Are Still Using

Perhaps the most difficult part of recovery is leaving behind old friends or old habits that got us into trouble in the first place. Even if we are committed to staying away from your previous group of friends or hangouts, if we don’t change our habits and interests, we can quickly find yourself with a new group of friends or hangout spots that are just as damaging to our recovery process.
Relapse Prevention Action Plan:

• Find alternative places to hang out like a local bookstore or coffee shop.
  
• Choose companions who seek a healthy lifestyle.
  
• Go to a recovery based meeting. 
  

I really do encourage you to read the rest of the pdf file.  It is loaded with strategies to help in your addiction recovery.

To download recoveryBox,visit the Apple App Store.

Do You have to Give Up Your Old Friends - Random Resource ThuRsday

Random Resource ThuRsday brings to your the question "Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?"

This comes from a Great Blog I found called Changing Lives Foundation.

Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends in order to recover?

April 24, 2012 in AA Related, Al-Anon Related. . ., Ask Joe, Relapse, Why Don't they Just Quit,Why Don't They Just Quit? Book Excerpts by jherzanek | 2 comments

ASK JOE:
Old friends and recovery:

Q: Do you have to stop seeing all your old friends
in order to recover?

A. It depends

When I was first getting off alcohol and drugs, many of my old friends
were just like me. I knew that being around drugs and being around
people using them was a bad idea. Exposing myself to the wrong influences
would have been a set-up for relapse. It wasn’t easy to let go of
some of my longstanding relationships. At the same time, though, I was
meeting new people who were also in recovery. I quickly learned that
my new lifestyle and old friends were kind of like oil and water—they
just didn’t mix.


After several weeks of sobriety, I started to see these old relationships
in a different light. I tried to talk to some of my old friends about recovery.
A few of them actually quit using. Others began to avoid me. I stayed
busy concentrating on not using. It was a little depressing, in a way. I
wanted so much to help them change, but many just weren’t interested.

This is a difficult time for the recovering person. There is a sort of
lag-time between leaving old unhealthy relationships and developing
new and better ones. It doesn’t happen overnight—but it will happen.

Trust the process and trust God to provide. For myself, I knew what was
at stake. I had to do this or soon return to the old life. The void in my
social life was going to be filled one way or another. This is one more reason
why support groups are important.

Recovery means making many changes,
and some are more difficult than others.

---

recoveryBox Addiction Recovery App - Your Complete Accountability Sobriety Toolbox

Random Resource ThuRsday ~ Support Systems

Last post, we talked about the upcoming features being added into recoveryBox.  The Twitter and Facebook integration.  The premise being it's an extension of your support system if you so desire.

Today is Random Resource ThuRsday and I'd like to continue with the concept of Support Systems.

I ran across a post just about this idea and how it's more than an accountability partner by David Sack MD. Here is the blog post link for the entire article or read below for bits and pieces.

Dr. Sack refers to a piece of addiction treatment that is tried and true - the Support System.
This is where one tried and true component of addiction treatment – a strong social support system – can bolster long-term recovery. A social network can keep recovering addicts invested in their recovery program even if they lose motivation, get discouraged, or become complacent or over-confident.

Research suggests that social relationships provide emotional support, a sense of belonging and stress relief. While higher levels of social connection improve quality of life, lower levels have been linked to relapse.

Here are five steps that will lead the recovering addict to the support they need:

1. Ask for Help - it's NOT a sign of weakness he writes.  And I can attest to that.  Talk to a good friend, find a counselor, pray with a spiritual leader, involve the family (but make sure they are not CoDependent)

2. Choose wisely - this should go without saying BUT when we are in a state of despair, it's hard to figure out just who you can trust, or who really is stable enough to ask into our support system. There are always clues but if you are not sure ask for help in making that determination.

3.  Attend some sort of meeting - this is critical. It can be a traditional 12 Step meeting, it could be a group therapy meeting, Celebrate Recovery or combine them.  He suggests finding one with like addictions because of being able to relate to each other.  Having been through that I agree completely.

4. Remain focused - it's so easy to start feeling good and want to return to "normal life", but the reality is, recovery takes time and so be selective about the types of activities you return to.

5. Be patient - and goodness knows this one takes practice.  It's hard to open up because of leaving yourself vulnerable. You have to process everything you say and do on a daily basis.  Becoming engaged in social settings is not easy so don't be too hard on yourself.  Remember, there may have been bridges burned as well and repair work will take time.  I believe the more patient you are about recovery the better chance of you becoming recovered!

recoveryBox, the mobile iPhone app for addiction recovery can be a huge part of your support system. Use it with your sponsor/accountability partner, counselor, and soon social friends.  Keep yourself accountable to others and yourself.

If you haven't downloaded it yet, get it at the Apple Store today.

I Just Can't Remember..HELP ME!

With all the crazy things we have going on in our lives, taking the time to enter our "Lights" (i.e., our daily activities) or remembering to text our accountability partner our numbers can sometimes fall to the back burner.

However, just like those who are training for a race and keep track of data, or wanting to lose weight and watch their calories, those in recovery for an addiction must keep track of what they are doing.  The idea is to replace bad habits with good ones.  If you don't keep track of anything, how will you know you are making progress?  How will you be able to talk with your sponsor about what "really" went on during the week?

I TOTALLY get how it's just not easy to remember.  So, recoveryBox does come with some reminders that you can set up to help take the pressure off a little.   Our solution..we call them Motivators.

To find them, More Tools -> Settings -> Motivators  so easy to find and set up.

You can have daily or weekly reminders.  You decide the time. You decide the day!

recoveryBox will not automatically send your numbers to your sponsor...and that is by design!!  You must take ownership of your recovery. We just try and give you some tools.

To find out ore about recoveryBox, visit our website and download it today!

Protecting Your Eyes from Pornography

Last week's Random Resource ThuRsday was about pornography.  And I urged you to rid your house of physical items that are pornographic in nature.

This week I have 2 resources to use for the internet.  Now first, let me say that NOTHING is fail-safe.  And in all likely hood you will probably need a combination of plans in place if the addiction is strong enough.  But with proper treatment you can be victorious.



My first resource is opendns.com.

What is DNS.  Think of DNS as the map of getting to where you want to go on the internet.  Regular DNS does not distinguish between sites.  It's just takes you where you need to be based on what you type (and some stuff in the background).  OpenDNS has a filtering mechanism.  Think of it as a firewall to keep out unwanted visitors as well as unwanted sites.

OpenDNS is EASY to implement and I think by far one of the best systems out there.  You might think it's going to be slow because if you ever tried a filter piece of software..well it does bog down your machine.  I am not going to explain how it does it (but I do know if you are interested).  It is very fast!

We have young children here at our house that use their iDevices all the time.  And with TV's being able to access internet sites directly from your remote control, the scenarios of pornography being accessible is so much more complex than adding a piece of software as was done in days past.  Well, OpenDNS fixes some of that.  When implemented it will make all of your devices go through this filtering.

For home solutions, check out their site.  And the best part is that it is FREE!  Actually what I love best is that if one of my kids tries to access an inappropriate website, they will see a message with a picture I uploaded letting them know that Mom and Dad think it's inappropriate.

NOTE:: with any search engines, visuals are so HARD to block.  So you might want to think about blocking search engine use or using Safe Searches using Google. I could get into why it's almost impossible to block these images, but in reality it's a Google thing (and I truly wish they would take a stronger look at this).

But for a HUGE number of these sites, OPENDNS will block it.


My next resource is CovenentEyes.com

Now this is a different solution as it requires adding a piece of software onto your machine.  It currently works for Windows, iDevices, Android (sorry no Blackberry or Windows Phone 7..at least not as of this writing). As of this writing the Mac only allows for accountability and not filtering..

What makes this different if that you can have time controls as well as sensitivity levels. but more importantly it sends a report to your accountability partner of all the sites that you have visited.  

Y3 Yellow Light :: Intentionally Possess Object of Risk

Having an object that is contrary to staying sober seems to be an obvious yellow.  Some would argue a Red Light, But I say it's just  a Yellow.

Just because you possess the item doesn't mean that you are going to use the item! It's a choice! And because it's a choice, it's why I have it as a Yellow Light!!

Y3 : Intentionally Possess and Item of Risk.

But let's be clear here.  It's a recipe for disaster.  I mean why do you even have it?  You know that by using the item or looking at it then you will be having to start your sobriety from square one, feel ashamed besides other emotions and all that goes along with using again.

So, it's a no brainer.  Get rid of it!

• Get rid of the alcohol in your house!
• Get rid of that pornographic video in the attic!
• Drugs lingering around the house? Trash them now!

Clean out!

And yes we live in a fallen world and there are temptations everywhere, but (and I feel like a cliche when I write this), but Just Say No!

Don't make it possible so that when the urge is there and you need that rush to easily grab that magazine or drink and fulfill that need.  Fill that need with something else - go for a walk. For visit a friend. Do something other than grab that item.

Yes, I understand that "things" don't do bad things.  It's when people use those things.  But why have the temptation? Why allow a trigger cause you to run to the very vice you are trying to cut off.

I really don't have much to say on this topic except GET RID OF IT ALL!

I completely understand that this doesn't apply to all addictions.  I mean you can't get rid of food.  But you can get rid of junk food. And you can't get of the internet (OK I couldn't) but you can use something like opendns.com or Covenant Eyes.  There are always things you can do to help yourself.  It's about making a choice.

Have a great day!  Now go clean out!


PS. If you need help cleaning out but just can't seem to get started - perhaps it's time to talk with your counselor or accountability partner on what is making it so hard to let go.


Wanting to download recoveryBox and see how it can help you?  Visit the Apple App store.

Caution :: Yellow Light :: Y1 - Person of Risk

Today's post goes along with last Thursday about having to give up all our "friends" from before addiction recovery.  As the author wrote, the new life of recovery and the old friends turn out to be "like oil and water they just don't mix".

There is a way in recoveryBox to track that.  It's the Y1 Caution Light.  It's "Intentionally Put Self With Person of Risk".

There is something to note here..it's the word intentionally.  There are times in life when we bump into people from our life before addiction recovery and it's a coincidence (but ever notice that it's "awkward"?!?).

This is the situation where you purposely hung out with a person who was trouble.  Their ways are just not appropriate things that you would be doing to change your habits.  You know what I'm talking about.

You get the nervous feeling inside, your mind starts to ask questions of yourself about this person or the situation like 'should i be with her?' or 'what do i say is she asks to go party and get high.how do I get out of that?'.

Take this as a warning light!!  Oil and water don't mix!  Even if you did happen to be with such a person on purpose don't be afraid to record it in recoveryBox.  Your sponsor or accountability partner will want to know.  And because they have lived your life, they will not be upset.  This will give you the opportunity to see how your triggers and situations all came together so that you don't intentionally put yourself in that position again.  Recording it will allow the conversation to flow between you and your sponsor because it's all down in the app for both of you to see.

Be proud of yourself that you did not relapse.  Just like as with driving, it's just a warning that you could get yourself into trouble.  Just learn from it!

Download recoveryBox to get started on your road to Addiction Recovery.

recoveryBox Addiction Recovery iPhone app SUPPORT

Wondering how to get support from someone at recoveryBox?

• Have an idea you want to see incorporated into recoveryBox?
• Found a bug that you want fixed?
• Want to share a recoveryStory (and I'd love to share these if you allow it)
• Not sure how to use a feature in recoveryBox?
• Just want a word of encouragement?

Well, here are 5 ways.

1.  Email us at support@recoveryboxapp.com and we will try and get back to you the same day.

2.  Visit the recoveryBox website on the support/contact page

3.  Directly from the recoveryBox support in the APP.

Choose Moore Tools ->Support

Then Choose Email Support

4.  From Facebook 

5.  From Twitter

What?  You don't have recoveryBox?  

It's such an inexpensive tool to use during your recovery from an addiction.  Check it out!

Random Resource ThuRsday ~ A Holiday Survival Story

Ran across this holiday survival story and I thought many could probably relate. It's from Sober Living's Website and the link will bring you there (great website..check it out).  Or you can read it here.

No More Ruined Holidays by Chris S. 

by slbts — last modified Dec 16, 2009 09:50 AM

Filed Under: 

• clean and sober holidays

Those of us who have lived through addiction and recovered will enjoy this passage from our staff member who really remembers what it is like to be a slave to addiction during the holidays.

     How many times has it been heard, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” Or, “You better be on your best behavior.” Only to let too much go on and you are arguing with someone in front of relatives, the kids and/or friends. Your argument is probably over something that isn't very important anyway. It's probably even an argument over something you don’t remember the next day (until someone reminds you about it). Maybe there's even a push and shove that goes too far and ends up in the tree or on the dining table. Maybe your struggle spills out on the front yard where the neighbors can see you. Maybe someone is so mad or embarrassed that they leave before the festivities had began. Some are crying in the background and others are taking up sides.
     It doesn’t have to be Christmas, Thanksgiving or New Years’ eve. I remember having a Tequila Easter playing monopoly. Don’t know who won or if we finished the game. But, the phone call the next day let me know I was not in the best behavior mode.
         Many people get busted for DUI’s during the holidays. It must make a person feel special when called to come bail someone out of jail on that special occasion.
        What about the false promises made that it won’t happen this year. The playing of the victim -  that it "wasn’t my fault." And the best move of all:  getting too wasted to even show up. Then the excuse of, “I am not hurting anyone but myself.”

Giving the Best Gift of All    

    One of the best presents I’ve seen people give others is getting help before the holidays. Giving the family, friends and loved ones the greatest joy of all. Being clean and sober for holidays present and future. Being able to keep a promise that you will be there. Maybe not this year, but next.

Many people get busted for DUI’s during the holidays. It must make a person feel special when called to come bail someone out of jail on that special occasion.

     Some of us are too selfish to think of others during certain days of the year. Thinking it might not happen if we are not present. It will still happen whether we are there or not.
     The greatest present I’ve been able to give others’ was the giving of myself. Clean and Sober.

www.recoveryBoxApp.com - the iPhone app for Addiction Recovery

recoveryBox Support and How To's

Wondering what type of support is available for recoveryBox users?

Go under the "More Tools" tab.

Feel free to Rate us in the App Store or even email about the app to a friend.  Email us directly for support and someone will get back to you ASAP.

But I think the most important option on that tab is the How-To's.  If you are stuck about a feature, this is the place that will tell you how to use it.  It's easy to see screen shots with lots of tips. Or you can visit the website for more tips and tricks.

Don't forget to check out this blog as there are weekly posts about how to better use recoveryBox during your addiction recovery.

Still don't have recoveryBox for your iPhone, Download it now.