Thanksgiving Survival Guide For those in Recovery for an Addiction

This week's Random Resource ThuRsday is about Getting Ready for Next ThurSday ~ Thanksgiving!

Found this wonderful Survival Guide for Thanksgiving (from Crying Out Loud's Blog) and things that we can all do to prepare for what could be a challenging time.  Let's not let a day of which we should reflect and be grateful for those we have in our lives be turned into a day or relapse.  Read on!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thanksgiving Survival Guide

Thanksgiving is two days away.   Holidays can be difficult for sober people, or people struggling to get or stay sober.

Now is a good time to prepare.

We thought we'd share some tips.   You can not only survive Thanksgiving, you can enjoy it.   All you need to do is plan ahead.    Please add your own in the comments below; this is by no means a comprehensive list.

1. Think ahead.  Is it hard for you to be around alcohol?   Be honest with yourself.  Now is not a time for heroics.   Keep your expectations realistic:  if it is going to be too difficult, maybe this year is a time to do something different for Thanksgiving.   Don't set yourself up to fail.    You can spend a quiet time at home watching movies or hanging out with other friends, volunteer at a shelter serving food, or go to a meeting instead.  
2. Thanksgiving is usually about family.  If there are people in your family who trigger you, be ready.    You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to .. plan what you'll say or do if someone gives you a hard time.  
3. Have safe people to call - program their numbers into your phone in advance, and tell them you're going to call if things get tough.   If everyone around you is drinking and it starts to bring you down, talking to someone else who is sober helps you remember that you are NOT alone.
4. Bring your own beverages.  This is especially important if you're going to be around people who don't know you're sober.   If you always have a drink in your hand, people won't hand you alcohol or ask if you want something to drink.  
5. You don't have to over explain.   If someone is pressuring you to drink, be ready with an answer.   A white lie is totally acceptable - tell people you're on antibiotics, or you're watching your calories and so you aren't drinking.   
6. Have an escape plan.  If you can, bring your own car.    Plan to go for a post-turkey walk - fresh air and exercise will get your endorphins flowing and help tamp down cravings.
7. Plan your exit in advance.   If everyone is going to settle in to watch football and drink and you don't want to be part of it ... don't.   Tell whoever is hosting that you have to leave at a certain time so you don't get drawn in to staying longer than you want to.
8. Remember to be proud of yourself - shame and guilt are huge triggers.   Give yourself credit for staying strong.
9. Think about the next morning, when you'll wake up hangover-free and rested.    Think about how horribly you felt the morning after drinking, and how sober you don't wake up and think, "I wish I drank last night."
10. Think through the drink.   If you start romancing how nice "one drink" would be, remember how many times you told yourself you were only going to have one and failed.    Having one is harder than having none, because once alcohol is in your system the obsession comes alive.
11. Remind yourself that Thanksgiving is just one day.    A simple 24 hours, just like any other day.   Don't put more importance on this day over any other.  
12. Go to bed.   If the day is harder than you expected, go to bed early just to put the day to rest.   Tomorrow is a new day.
13. Believe in yourself.   Getting sober and staying sober takes serious guts - you are brave and strong and true.   If guilt, shame and remorse start talking to you, remind yourself that it's your disease sneaking in the back door.   Let your sober voice ring loud and proud in your head.
14. Forgive yourself for wanting to drink.   Don't expect that you won't be hit with a craving; it's natural.   Prepare for how you're going to handle the craving instead of berating yourself for having one.
15. Be grateful.    Thanksgiving is a time of giving thanks.. make a gratitude list and carry it with you.   Try to focus on the gifts you have in your life, all the possibilities that lie in front of you, instead of all the things you can't have.   Sober, you can do anything. 

Please add more thoughts and ideas in the comments; we want to hear from you.    Addiction thrives in the dark, and together we bring the light.

You are not alone.

And don't forget, add your Lights into recoveryBox, and let your sponsor see how awesome you did!!

The Serenity Prayer ~ the history behind it

I was curious about the history behind this beautiful prayer and did a little research. Read below or click this link for the article.

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The Serenity Prayer is the common name for an untitled prayer originally written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in the late1930s to early 1940s. It is believed that Niebuhr wrote the prayer for a sermon.

Elisabeth Sifton's book entitled The Serenity Prayer, which was published in 2003,,quotes this version as the authentic original:

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

The earliest verifiable texts so far discovered are an approximate version, apparently quoted from memory, in a query in the in The New York Times Book Review dated July 12, 1942 which asks for the author of the quotation; a reply in the same column issued on August 2, 1942 states the quotation is attributed to Niebuhr and an unidentified printed text is quoted as follows:

"O God and Heavenly Father,

Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; the courage to change that which can be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen."

The serenity prayer became widely known when it was adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous; In 1950, the AA Grapevine, an AA magazine, identified Niebuhr as the author and the current AA web site continues to identify Niebuhr as the author.

The serenity prayer is reported to have been in use in Alcoholics Anonymous since the early 1940s. It has also been used in Narcotics Anonymous and other Twelve-step programs.. The Alcoholics Anonymous version of the serenity prayer omits some of Niebuhr's text:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and (the) wisdom to know the difference."

Niebuhr discusses the Serenity Prayer and how it came about it in his book, The Essential Reinhold Niebuhr: Selected Essays and Addresses. He states,

"... The embarrassment, particularly, was occasioned by the incessant correspondence about a prayer I had composed years before, which the old Federal Council of Churches had used and which later was printed on small cards to give to soldiers. Subsequently Alcoholics Anonymous adopted it as its official prayer. The prayer reads: 'God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to dintinguish the one from the other.' ..."

In addition, Niebuhr's daughter, Elisabeth Sifton, wrote an entire book about her father's serenity prayer, The Serenity Prayer: Faith and Politics in Times of Peace and War, that explores the circumstances around which her father wrote this prayer, the wide range of versions of this prayer, and the real essence of the prayer's meaning.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/552531

Why Is It So Damn Hard to Change?

Random Resource ThuRsday

This week I blogged about knowing the what's and why's that lead to your acting out.. and that you have to have data to understand your habits. Knowing your triggers is key to breaking an addiction.   When we act on our triggers, we are just reinforcing our trigger/behavior/reaction mechanism. 

Oprah is not where I normally get information for sharing but I thought this was a great article that talks about dopamine ..  you know the chemical released in your body when you do an acting-out behavior.  I cropped out a small portion for you to read but I urge you to read the rest.

Why Is It So Damn Hard to Change?

By Rebecca Skloot

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/How-to-Change-Your-Bad-Habits/3#ixzz2MsAonyaW
Photo: Hugh Kretschmer

Dopamine teaches your brain what you want, then drives you to get it, regardless of what's good for you. It does this in two steps. First you experience something that gives you pleasure (say, McDonald's french fries), which causes a dopamine surge. Some of that dopamine travels to the area of your brain where memories are formed and creates a memory connecting those fries with getting a reward. At that point, in sciencespeak, the fries have become "salient." And when you're exposed to something that's salient, you may think, "That's bad for me, I shouldn't,"  but your brain registers, "Dopamine jackpot!" 

Which is where step two comes in: On top of creating memories, dopamine controls the areas of the brain responsible for desire, decision-making, and motivation. So once fries become salient, the next time you see or smell them, your brain releases a surge of dopamine that drives you to get more fries. When you succeed, your brain produces more dopamine, which reinforces the memory that made fries salient in the first place, etching it further into your brain. It's a never-ending cycle: The more you do something that's rewarding, the more dopamine makes sure you do it again. This is precisely how habits form. Eventually, if the fries become salient enough, your brain will release dopamine and push you to get fries anytime you see the colors yellow and red, even if you're nowhere near McDonald's.

And this is true for any behavior that results in a reward: Orgasms cause dopamine surges. So does hitting the jackpot when you gamble, winning a race, acing a test, doing cocaine or methamphetamines, smoking, drinking. "Dopamine is motivation," 

...

But my big question for Volkow is this: How do you get yourself hooked on something that's not inherently pleasurable to you—like living on salads and broccoli or, in my case, exercising? Many people get a natural high from working out. I, however, am not one of them. "Isn't there some way to trick the dopamine system?" I ask her. "Some way to fool my brain into craving exercise?"

Sure, she says: The secret is thinking up rewards. My payoff for working out could be a pedicure or a new pair of shoes. For someone trying to diet: Maybe you get a massage after a week of good eating, or have a friend dole out gift certificates if you stay on track (you pay, but she controls the vouchers). "Giving yourself rewards for a behavior engages the dopamine system so your brain will associate the positive outcome with it, which will help you form the habit."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/How-to-Change-Your-Bad-Habits/2#ixzz2MsAgxKuM

Well, I wish I could reward all the recoveryBox users with something great to help retrain our brains..but hopefully when you earn your badges, that will give you a small sense of accomplishment.

For more information about recoveryBox, visit the website and see if it's an app that might be helpful in your recovery from your addiction. www.recoveryboxapp.com

Surviving the Holidays During Addiction Recovery

 Surviving the Holidays During Addiction Recovery

We all know that this time of year gets to be, well super CRAZY!  Holiday parties, shopping, lights, festive music, people being merry and so much more.  For some the holidays are the hardest time of the year to get through. I'm not here to offer the perfect way to achieve this, but I do have a few tips that I can pass along.

First, remember the "Reason for the Season".  I know it's an over used phrase but it really does remind us why we are celebrating.  God gave us an amazing gift so very long ago and it would do us well to ponder what that means to us.  If we think about how God sent Jesus to "give us a second chance" we realize that we did nothing to deserve this.  God didn't just sent Jesus without giving the necessary tools to achieve this gift of freedom.  And just like our recovery, we have a second chance complete with a set of tools to not just help us cope, but to succeed.

Second, remember what your tools are.  Always go back to what gets you through each and every day. Just because it's a "special" time of year does not mean it's time to let go all that we worked for.  Make a list of what helps you, and refer to it often during these next few weeks.  Is it a picture of your kids to motivate you? It is knowing that you have a lifeline through an accountability partner or sponsor?  Is it your spiritual life? What about your friends and family?  Ponder on how these tools help you remain grounded and use them to stay sober.

Third, don't put yourself in a situation where you might be tempted to relapse.  In recoveryBox, these would be your yellow lights.  Being with a person, or at a place, or possessing an item that is a temptation are warning signs to take caution (hence the yellow light as in a stop light - take caution).  Be on guard.  

Examples: 

• If going to a staff party is going to be filled with alcohol, then have a plan.  Perhaps have a tumbler of water or coffee in your hands at all time.  You already have your drink so no need to get another.  Or if the temptation is just too much then either go with someone you trust to help you or don't go at all!  

• Shopping addicts find this to be an incredibly tempting time of year.  And it's so easy to "justify" the buying because it's what's expected right?  OK, first again, focus on the "Reason for the Season" and you will be reminded that NO this time of year is not all about buying.  Some practical tips include go shopping with someone you can trust to help you say "no". Make a list and keep to it!  Shop with cash only - yes, leave the credit cards at home.  Make a budget and stick to it.  Or even consider giving a different type of gift in honor or a person - perhaps find an organization that you feel the person cares deeply about and give a donation in their name.

• Another easy trap is for those who have addictions to pornography.  Sometimes it's easy to say well I'm going to shop online and not head out to the stores.  Well, perhaps that will lead to just "surfing" for the best deals or that perfect present.  "Surfing" is not healthy with any type of sexual addiction. Know exactly where you want to go on the internet to shop.  Stick to the major players like amazon.com.  Have a trusted person sit beside you while you shop online..yup, do it together.  And of course I'm a huge believer of having your house all set up using opendns.com (it's free for home use and it's awesome!)

• For those with an eating addictions, this is such a tricky time of year.  All the goodies and wonderful smells that linger in the air.  Yup, I myself have a hard time here even though it's not my addiction.  But, again when going to a party make smart choices.  If you eat too much then use a small plate or brush your teeth before you go (or even during - sounds funny but who likes to eat with minty fresh breath), or drink a lot of water before you go to fill your tummy.  If you don't like to eat then make a plan of what you need to eat or even eat ahead of time.  Sometimes nibbling along can help us get what we need.  

• Isolation around this time of year is easy to do for so many reasons.  But it's the worst thing to do.  Being alone is a trigger for many so make sure to mingle in the celebrations to be with others.  Or attend spiritual events to keep you focused.  When we isolate ourselves we tend to revert to bad habits.

These are just a few tips for specific addictions.  I can't pretend to know everything that is helpful nor do I know your specific triggers.  But, your accountability partner or sponsor should, so have a conversation with them.  They should be able to offer more specific ideas to you.  

Fourth, and this can be a doozy for some...let go of past resentments.  Many times these are between family members and since we often get together with our families at some point during the holiday season it can be awkward to say the least.  Part of your recovery is letting those resentments go to make yourself healthy again.  Who knows, maybe this is the year to even make amends during this season. This could be a great time to open up and be honest.  Being vulnerable is very tough to do, but it is where healing happens.

And lastly (OK, I could make this go on forever, but let's face it we are busy people), I would say minimize your stressors.  Stress can be one of our biggest triggers.  So if you stress about not having all your shopping done, tackle a bit each night. Set realistic expectations too of yourself and others. We all know what our stressors are.  Goodness, for me sometimes you can just say a certain name and the hair on the back of my neck starts to rise.  But thinking it through and making a plan to deal with the stress can be helpful. And remember nobody is perfect.

I wish you a blessed holiday season.

~ from the developer of recoveryBox

PS.  Don't forget to record it in recoveryBox the app.  It will be wild to see how this year's holiday will stack up again next years.  If you don't own recoveryBox or want to gift it to someone, visit the iTunes store or follow this link to recoveryBox in the iTunes store..

Acting Out - Yes the Red Lights

UPDATE: please know that you can create your own red lights to really tailor recoveryBox to your needs.  Be supported!!

First, I must say I hope that you never have to record a Red Light because it does mean that you have broken your sobriety.  BUT, please don't be overly hard on yourself.  If you do indeed need to record one then do so and move on.  We all make mistakes but the difference is if we learn from them.

How Red Lights work in recoveryBox.

1. Each addiction will have a different Set of Red Lights.  They are specific to your addiction.  Until this point, all Green Lights and Yellow Lights have been the same for all addictions.  recoveryBox wants to make this specific for your addiction.
2. Record a reason why you acted out.
3. Consider entering any triggers that you can think of that might help understand why you acted out.  Even if you just can't make sense of it, enter the triggers anyway.
4. Send the text/email to your accountability partner.  Please don't skip this just because you have entered a red light.  This is the most critical time that you need to honest.  It might leave you feeling vulnerable but you are not alone.  This is where you are going to get the support you need through a sponsor or accountability partner.
5. recoveryBox WILL automatically adjust your sobriety date (if you are using that module) based on the red light that you enter.  You don't need to worry about entering it in 2 different places.  

Please don't feel ashamed and wallow in a relapse.  Know it happens, pick yourself up and learn from the mistake.  It's what you do with it that counts.

Below you will see different Red Light scenarios based on 3 different addiction types.  

Alcohol Addiction

Pornography Addiction

Eating Disorder Addiction

There are over 50 addictions to choose from in recoveryBox AND you can even choose multiple addictions at the same time if you need to.

Want to try out recoveryBox,

the iPhone app for addiction recovery, 

download it today.

recoveryBox Named One of 2013's Best Eating Disorder Apps

Top Apps for Eating Disorder Patients 2013

According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 20 million women and 10 million men in the United States suffer from an eating disorder at some point.

Although these apps may not be magic, they may help people with eating disorders cope with symptoms. These supportive apps can improve attitudes toward food. They can also track important progress indicators on the path to recovery.  

recoveryBox, a complete toolbox for overcoming addictions, hurts, habits or hang-ups has been named one of the Top Apps for 2013 by Healthline.

To download recoveryBox and begin your recovery journey from an eating disorder or addiction, visit the iTunes store.

Being Sober ~ It's Good to Be Acknowledged

Staying Sober IS an Accomplishment.  And as humans we desire to have our accomplishments be acknowledged. We want to know that we are on the right track and that our efforts are not in vain. As children we look up to our parents and teachers for praise. As adults we look to our bosses, peers, spouses, friends for that same praise.  Look, even Facebook has a "Like" button so I know I'm not off my rocker writing this.  

And it's not a bad thing.  It's why the AA program as well as Celebrate Recovery has a system for saying great job with their chips.  And so at recoveryBox, it was felt that we need to praise and support those who are using our app and perhaps not attending a traditional meeting of some sort.

We hope you understand how PROUD we are of each and every time you see that screen come up!!  Some will want to keep it private - say between you and your sponsor.  Others will want to share on a social media site like Facebook and Twitter.

Be proud of your hard work.  I know I am!

Yesterday's daily devotion was a video from IamSecond.com. It featured Brian's life and his decision to give up his Meth addiction.  It is so powerful as are so many of the videos on the site that I thought I would share it as well here on my the app's main blog.

Here is a small video but to see/read more PLEASE visit the IamSecond.com site.

For daily devotions from recoveryBox, visit http://recoveryboxdevos.blogspot.com

Y3 Yellow Light :: Intentionally Possess Object of Risk

Having an object that is contrary to staying sober seems to be an obvious yellow.  Some would argue a Red Light, But I say it's just  a Yellow.

Just because you possess the item doesn't mean that you are going to use the item! It's a choice! And because it's a choice, it's why I have it as a Yellow Light!!

Y3 : Intentionally Possess and Item of Risk.

But let's be clear here.  It's a recipe for disaster.  I mean why do you even have it?  You know that by using the item or looking at it then you will be having to start your sobriety from square one, feel ashamed besides other emotions and all that goes along with using again.

So, it's a no brainer.  Get rid of it!

• Get rid of the alcohol in your house!
• Get rid of that pornographic video in the attic!
• Drugs lingering around the house? Trash them now!

Clean out!

And yes we live in a fallen world and there are temptations everywhere, but (and I feel like a cliche when I write this), but Just Say No!

Don't make it possible so that when the urge is there and you need that rush to easily grab that magazine or drink and fulfill that need.  Fill that need with something else - go for a walk. For visit a friend. Do something other than grab that item.

Yes, I understand that "things" don't do bad things.  It's when people use those things.  But why have the temptation? Why allow a trigger cause you to run to the very vice you are trying to cut off.

I really don't have much to say on this topic except GET RID OF IT ALL!

I completely understand that this doesn't apply to all addictions.  I mean you can't get rid of food.  But you can get rid of junk food. And you can't get of the internet (OK I couldn't) but you can use something like opendns.com or Covenant Eyes.  There are always things you can do to help yourself.  It's about making a choice.

Have a great day!  Now go clean out!


PS. If you need help cleaning out but just can't seem to get started - perhaps it's time to talk with your counselor or accountability partner on what is making it so hard to let go.


Wanting to download recoveryBox and see how it can help you?  Visit the Apple App store.